I’ve realised dating works a lot like walking through a supermarket
Everyone thinks they’re making conscious choices, but most of the time you’re just moving on autopilot. You go to the same aisles every time. You reach for the same foods without thinking. You ignore entire sections because your brain has already decided those things “aren’t for you.”
And in dating, it’s the same.
You keep choosing the same type of man, the same dynamic, the same emotional pattern, even while telling yourself you want something different.
For years, I shopped the same “aisles” in my own dating life without noticing it. I overlooked women who were actually healthy for me because they didn’t create that instant high. And I hyperfixated on the ones who activated my old wounds, because it felt familiar.
You’d think familiarity is comfort, but in relationships it’s often just repetition of childhood patterns dressed up as chemistry.
Every woman I’ve ever coached has had her version of Oreos.
That one man she knows is not good for her, but says, “It’s okay, I’ll just have one.”
One date. One kiss. One night. One little bit of attention.
And then suddenly the whole pack is gone and she’s in emotional withdrawal, wondering how she ended up here again.
Oreos taste good for exactly three seconds. After that, you’re just chasing the high of the first bite, hoping the next one hits the same.
It never does.
Same with men who are inconsistent, hot-cold, avoidant, chaotic, exciting, intoxicating, familiar, unsafe. A part of you thinks, “It’ll be different this time.”
It won’t.
The unhealthy dynamic is where your nervous system learned to feel intensity. And intensity feels like meaning.
But here’s the thing. When you stop grabbing the Oreos, when you stop dating from impulse, nostalgia, chemistry addiction or loneliness, something strange happens.
The rest of the supermarket opens up. You start noticing foods that never caught your eye before. You try new things. You experiment. You learn what actually nourishes you.
Dating is the exact same.
When you stop feeding the parts of you that crave dysfunction, you suddenly see men you overlooked. Men who are kind, steady, grounded. Men who don’t give you that quick dopamine hit, but who give you long-term safety, respect, ease, warmth.
And that’s when dating stops being a cycle and becomes a choice.
Because you finally see the full supermarket instead of the same two aisles you always walked through.
