One of my clients came to me with something I hear from so many women: she just wants to feel held
But every man in her life, including the men she dated, did the same thing. The moment she shared a feeling, they jumped straight into solutions. They couldn’t help themselves. It was like an automatic reflex.
I asked her about her dad.
She told me he was a GP. A brilliant man. Kind. Loving. But always in his head. Always analyzing. Always diagnosing and prescribing. She said he loved her deeply, she never doubted that, but emotionally he was never really with her.
He talked, he explained, he gave advice, he solved things, but she never felt held. Like she could just cry and soften without him trying to fix it.
And every man she dated repeated that pattern. Different face, same dynamic. It left her feeling alone, uncared for, and overwhelmingly tired of being the emotional adult in every connection.
So I gave her a challenge. A very simple, very uncomfortable one.
For one week, she had to share a small problem with every man she knew.
And then… let them fix it. Let them help her. Let them show up in the only way men know how when they care. No emotional expectations. No hoping they’d suddenly become sensitive, intuitive, and perfectly attuned. Just let men be men for one week. And receive it fully.
One man came to her house and fixed three cabinets that had been broken for months.
Another helped her set up something in her business she’d been procrastinating on.
Someone at work offered a solution that saved her hours of stress.
One guy took her car to the mechanic for her, paid for the repair, and dropped it back off.
Another brought her food and asked if he could cook for her later that week.
These weren’t even romantic connections. These were men simply responding to being needed.
Men love through action.
Men bond through usefulness.
Men feel alive when their effort makes a difference.
After a week I asked her, “Do you still feel alone?”
She just stared at me. “No… I don’t. I actually feel supported. I feel cared for. I feel held, just not in the way I expected.”
And that was the entire lesson.
Let men love you the way men love.
Let them carry something for you.
Let them fix something.
Let them solve a problem that’s been weighing on you.
Let them feel effective.
And receive it with grace.
When you stop demanding that men love you in the feminine way, and let them love you in the masculine way, you’ll see that many of them love the shit out of you.
