Couples coach Bali: what working with me in Ubud looks like
Couples coach Bali, from someone who lives here. I live in Ubud with my wife and our daughter. Here is how I work with couples, and who it is for.
Read
A relationship coach for men: why most advice misses you
Most relationship advice is written for women. Here is what a relationship coach for men does differently, from someone who has worked with 1,000+ men.
Read
The most attractive and handsome man in the room rarely has the most to offer
They've learned that attention comes without effort.
Read
Couples coaching vs couples therapy: which one do you need?
Couples coaching and couples therapy are not the same thing. Here is the difference, and how to know which one fits where your relationship is right now.
Read
Some men say things like;
"I would die for you." "I would do anything for you." "I'll be there through everything."
Read
What does a relationship coach do? A plain answer
What does a relationship coach do, and how is it different from advice from a friend? A plain explanation from a coach who has worked with 100+ couples.
Read
Some men choose insecure women on purpose
They wouldn't frame it that way though.
Read
Online couples coaching that fits a normal week
Online couples coaching works best when it gives each of you something specific to do between calls. Here is how I structure it, and what couples tell me changes.
Read
Women
Resilience is one of your many incredible assets.
Read
Is couples coaching worth it? What it costs and what it changes
Is couples coaching worth it? What it costs, what it changes, who it is for and who should not do it, from a coach who has worked with 100+ couples.
Read
One of my clients figured something out about herself last week
She realised she's always been drawn to avoidant men. Because they gave her space to want them. They didn't rush the closeness. Didn't land on her with needs before she'd had time to know them. It felt like freedom. It...
Read
Marriage coaching for couples who feel disconnected
Marriage coaching for couples who feel disconnected: why the distance grows, what a coach does about it, and 3 things you can start this week.
Read
Let me tell you a secret
The man who makes you feel completely at ease on a first date, who says all the right things, who knows exactly when to be funny and when to lean in, who makes you feel like the most interesting woman in the room…
Read
We feel like roommates, not a couple: how to get the spark back
If you feel like roommates, not a couple, nothing may be wrong except your habits. Why it happens and how to start feeling like partners again.
Read
My wife told me she felt disconnected from me
My first reaction was confusion. How was that possible? I spend every free minute with her. I text her during the day. I keep finding new ways to make her life easier. I listen when she's upset. And on and on the list...
Read
How to reconnect with your partner after having a baby
How to reconnect with your partner after having a baby: why couples lose each other in the first year, and small steps that bring you back.
Read
Years ago, on a first date, I told a woman I didn't want to see her again
We were having a great evening. Real conversation, real laughter, the restaurant was great. An hour in I asked her if she felt what I was feeling. She smiled and said yes. And I told her I was sorry, but I'd learned...
Read
How to stop drifting apart: 7 things that bring couples back
How to stop drifting apart before it becomes distance: the early signs, why it happens to loving couples, and 7 daily habits that reverse it.
Read
He's kind
He texts when he says he will.
Read
How to fall back in love with your husband
How to fall back in love with your husband when the feeling has faded: why it goes quiet, what brings it back, and what to try this week.
Read
I had a vasectomy
My wife and I don't plan on our second child for at least another 5 years. For that stretch of time, I wanted contraception to be my responsibility instead of hers.
Read
How to fall back in love with your wife
How to fall back in love with your wife when it feels like duty: a guide for men on why the feeling fades and what brings it back.
Read
95% of finding a good relationship is selection
Not who you pick. Which version of yourself you bring.
Read
10 signs your relationship is drifting apart, and what to do about each
10 early signs your relationship is drifting apart, from logistics-only talk to separate bedtimes, and a small fix for each one.
Read
I see a lot of women doing a ton of inner work, and it’s incredible!
But there is also a shadow side to it.
Read
How to bring back the spark in a long term relationship
How to bring back the spark in a long term relationship: why it fades, why date nights alone rarely fix it, and the daily habits that do.
Read
Most women who sabotage good relationships aren't doing it on purpose
They grew up where silence was a warning sign. Where calm meant your father was drinking quietly in the next room and something was about to happen. Where the fighting at least had a shape to it. You knew what you were...
Read
How to reconnect emotionally with your partner
How to reconnect emotionally with your partner when you feel far apart: the 3 things under every disconnection and the daily practices that close the gap.
Read
Most women say they want a man who leads
Then he makes a decision without consulting her, and it feels controlling.
Read
How to stop having the same argument over and over
How to stop having the same argument with your partner: why the topic is never the problem, and a 3 step practice that ends the loop.
Read
A man who leads can feel controlling to a woman who had an absent or abusive father
That's not her fault. And it's not always his.
Read
How to stop criticising your partner and get what you want instead
How to stop criticising your partner without swallowing what you need: why criticism never works, and the simple swap that does.
Read
Most women don't fear strong men
They fear being hurt by one again.
Read
How to start a difficult conversation with your partner
How to start a difficult conversation with your partner without it turning into a fight: the opening that gets you heard the first time.
Read
Most men hear a problem and immediately start solving it
That's how we're built. We see someone we love in pain and every part of us wants to make it stop.
Read
What to do after a fight with your partner
What to do after a fight with your partner so it does not leave a mark: how to cool down, repair, and stop the same fight coming back.
Read
I pay for everything in our relationship. I have from the start
And I don't care that my wife doesn't make money. But I care a lot about how she treats the money I make. That has always mattered to me. The attitude.
Read
Why small things trigger big reactions in relationships
Why small things trigger big reactions in relationships: the 10 point scale I use with couples to tell old pain from what happened tonight.
Read
Most women have a list of standards
They'd say it's what they deserve.
Read
How to stop defending yourself in an argument with your partner
How to stop defending yourself in an argument when every word feels like an attack: why defence makes it worse, and what to do instead.
Read
When I started coaching, I charged 4 or 6K upfront. Just like my business coach told me to do
I learned how to walk someone through their pain, highlight what’s possible, and make them feel like this is the moment to leap. And honestly, most of the time, it is. But there’s something about that model that never...
Read
My husband doesn't initiate intimacy anymore. What is going on?
If your husband doesn't initiate intimacy anymore, it is rarely about attraction. What I see in men who stop reaching, and how couples find each other again.
Read
Most couples fight to be understood. They never get there
My wife and I have rules in our relationship. Simple ones and harder ones. The simple rule is we never bring up issues over text. Ever. The harder ones took longer to build, but they're the ones that actually matter.
Read
How to schedule intimacy without killing romance
How to schedule intimacy without killing romance: why waiting for the mood fails busy couples, and how to make a diary slot something you look forward to.
Read
Your standards might not be standards at all
They might be compensations.
Read
A weekly ritual for couples to stay connected
Why every couple needs a weekly ritual to stay connected, what makes one work, and a simple structure you can start this Sunday.
Read
Most women who self sabotage good relationships aren't ‘toxic’
They're just running old software.
Read
Sex after baby when you feel disconnected: a gentle way back
Sex after baby when you feel disconnected: why intimacy stalls for new parents, why waiting rarely works, and a low pressure way to find each other again.
Read
To the men
Do not sleep with a woman who wants commitment when you don’t want that. Not when you’re unsure. Not when you’re keeping your options open. Not when you can’t look at her and honestly say she could be your wife, the...
Read
How to talk about sex with your partner without it getting awkward
How to talk about sex with your partner when it feels too awkward to start: the opening that makes it safe, what to say, and what to avoid.
Read
You attract what you lead with
And what you lead with is the opposite of what you are trying to hide.
Read
How to make your wife feel loved every day
How to make your wife feel loved every day without big gestures: the small daily habits that tell her she is wanted, from a coach who works with men.
Read
Some women don't actually want a healthy, present and committed man
Because being truly seen by someone who won't flinch feels more dangerous than being half-loved by someone who keeps a safe distance.
Read
Why your wife stopped asking for anything, and why it matters
If you are wondering why your wife stopped asking for anything, it may not mean she is happy. What her silence often means, and what to do now.
Read
I make all the money in our relationship
And I'd probably make 10 times less without my wife.
Read
How to be a better listener for your wife
How to be a better listener for your wife when your instinct is to fix: why solutions land as dismissal, and the simple shift that makes her feel heard.
Read
Most arguments between men and women aren't really arguments
They're two people having completely different conversations without knowing it.
Read
What women need from men in a relationship
What women need from men in a relationship, from a coach who has worked with 1,000+ men and 100+ couples: the needs under the requests, and how to meet them.
Read
The greatest flex of all time is a wife who is crazy about you
Not the lambo. Not the CEO title. Not the villa.
Read
How to lead without controlling in your relationship
How to lead without controlling: what women mean when they say they want a man who leads, and the line between leadership and control at home.
Read
Most people treat growth like something that happens to them
Like if they wait long enough in the right circumstances, they'll evolve.
Read
Why men withdraw in relationships, and how to reach them
Why men withdraw in relationships when things get hard: the fear behind the silence, and what helps a man come back towards his partner.
Read
Most women who say they want a committed man are actually terrified of one
They've been with men who took up too much space. Or took everything and left. Or made promises that turned into control.
Read
How to make your husband feel appreciated
How to make your husband feel appreciated in a way he will feel: why most men go without it, and simple daily habits that change how he shows up at home.
Read
Dating is growth
You sit across from someone and you don't perform. You don't smooth over the edges. You don't laugh at things that aren't funny or agree with things you don't believe.
Read
What men need but won't ask for in a relationship
What men need but won't ask for, from a coach who has worked with 1,000+ men: the quiet needs under the silence, and how partners can meet them.
Read
I was talking to a new client about her dating life
She said she only attracts boys.
Read
How to tell your partner what you need without nagging
How to tell your partner what you need without nagging: why hints and reminders fail, and the specific way of asking that gets you heard.
Read
Most men don't need to be ‘more masculine’
They need permission to stop pretending they're fine.
Read
Why do I sabotage good relationships? A coach's view
Why do I sabotage good relationships when I want love so much? The patterns I see in women who push good men away, and how to stop.
Read
When women hire me to look at their situation, I don't start with her
I start with him. The guys she is seeing.
Read
Why do I attract emotionally unavailable men?
Why do I attract emotionally unavailable men again and again? What men told me about who they choose, and how to change who you let in.
Read
I know what I was like when I wasn't ready
I could perform all the right signals. Say the right things. Show up consistently for weeks, maybe months. But underneath it, I was running algorithms. How to keep her interested without actually committing. How to make...
Read
How to recognise a man ready for commitment
How to recognise a man ready for commitment early on, from a coach who has worked with 1,000+ men: the signs to look for and the ones that mislead.
Read
Most of the men you're meeting right now aren't ready for what you want
That's not a judgement on you. It's just math.
Read
How to stop over-functioning in a relationship
How to stop over-functioning in a relationship when you carry everything: why one partner ends up doing it all, and how to hand some of it back.
Read
You're out there dating and most of what you meet doesn't match what you actually want
I get it.
Read
A 30 day challenge for couples to reconnect
Why a 30 day challenge for couples to reconnect works better than a weekend away, what happens week by week, and how to do it yourselves.
Read
You keep saying you want a man who has his life together
Then you get mad when he's not immediately available to text you back.
Read
10 daily habits of happy couples
The daily habits of happy couples are smaller than you think. 10 habits I see in couples who stay close, and how to start them this week.
Read
The healthy ones aren't on the apps scrolling at 11pm
They're not refreshing their inbox waiting for your message. They're not crafting the perfect opener or gaming response times.
Read
How to stop phones ruining your relationship
How to stop phones ruining your relationship without a big fight: why understanding the habit is not enough, and the simple swap that gets your evenings back.
Read
You can tell within three months if a man is capable of commitment
Not if he'll commit to you. If he's capable of it at all.
Read
5 appreciation exercises for couples that change the mood at home
5 appreciation exercises for couples that take minutes a day: why specific appreciation works where criticism fails, and the exact words to use.
Read
Most women I work with aren't actually looking for a man who's "done the work."
They're looking for a man who's still doing it. Who knows his edges. Who doesn't pretend he's beyond the mess.
Read
A free relationship quiz for couples: where do you stand?
A free relationship quiz for couples that takes 2 minutes and tells you whether you are in the flicker, the drift or the distance, with a first step for each.
Read
A client told me her husband hasn't initiated sex in four months
He says he's tired. He says work is a lot. He says he still finds her attractive.
Read
How to rebuild trust after emotional distance
How to rebuild trust after emotional distance, when nobody cheated but you stopped feeling safe with each other: what broke, and how to repair it.
Read
Most women I work with can spot a healthy man within thirty seconds of conversation
They just don't want him.
Read
How to divide household responsibilities without fighting
How to divide household responsibilities without fighting about who does more: why splitting tasks fails, and the banners method I use with couples.
Read
You already know if he's serious
Because of how much energy you're spending trying to figure out if he's serious.
Read
How to talk about money as a couple without fighting
How to talk about money as a couple without fighting: why money talks blow up, the opening that keeps them calm, and a monthly habit that works.
Read
Most women who can't find a healthy committed man are dating men who told them exactly who they were in the first three weeks
You ignored it because the chemistry was good. Because you wanted to believe the potential. Because he said the right things sometimes and you thought that was enough.
Read
Anxious attachment in relationships: what helps
Anxious attachment in relationships looks like checking, needing reassurance and fearing being left. What is going on underneath, and what helps both partners.
Read
The men you keep meeting are not the problem. Your filter is
A client told me last week she wants a man who is stable, present, emotionally available.
Read
Unhappy in marriage after kids? You are not alone
If you feel unhappy in marriage after kids, it is one of the most common things couples go through. Why it happens, and small steps to feel like partners again.
Read
Most women will tell you they want a partner. Equal footing. Someone who listens and considers and collaborates
Then they sleep with the man who doesn't ask.
Read
12 small gestures that make a big difference in a relationship
12 small gestures that make a big difference in a relationship, each taking less than a minute, from a coach who has seen what works in 100+ couples.
Read
A client told me her therapist said she's "not ready for a conscious relationship yet."
I asked what that means. She said she needs to work on herself first. Get clear. Heal her patterns. Then she'll be ready for something real.
Read
Most men aren't sexually out of integrity because they're looking at other women
They're out of integrity because they're not looking at their own wife.
Read
I asked my wife what made her feel safest in our relationship
She said it was knowing I wouldn't change my mind about something important just because she was having a bad day.
Read
She doesn't lose attraction because you gained weight or got a promotion or forgot to do that thing you said you'd do
She loses it because you started asking her permission to live your life.
Read
A client texted me last week
She wanted to know why her man felt distant. I asked what had changed. She said nothing. Then she said she'd been pointing ways he could improve himself.
Read
Most of the women I work with can tell me in exact detail who their partner is
His triggers. His patterns. The specific tone that means he's about to shut down. What he needs when he's stressed. How to read the silence.
Read
A client told me she wanted to evolve with her partner. I asked what that meant. She said they should both work on themselves
She didn't mean together. She meant separately. Both improving. Meeting back up as better versions.
Read
I watch men freeze when their woman's career takes off
Not because they don't love her. Because they suddenly don't know what they're for anymore.
Read
Your man isn't withholding from you because he doesn't care
He's withholding because every time he tries to share something, you react like he just told you the house is on fire.
Read
One of the best pieces of relationship advice I can give is this
If your reaction or your partner's reaction to something is above a five, it's not about what just happened. It's not about the dishes or the text he didn't send or the tone he used. It's a wound from the past showing...
Read
I've watched men shrink when their woman makes more money
Seen it in sessions, seen it at dinner tables.
Read
I've watched men build empires together
I've been in rooms where brothers pushed each other to bankruptcy and back, where friendships were forged in sweat and silence, where growth happened because no one let anyone hide.
Read
Most men think leadership is about decisions
It's not.
Read
I do the work. I lead. I hold the frame. I create the container
What does she bring to the table?
Read
A lot of women secretly hope for the kind of man who walks in, locks eyes with her, and it’s like he’s been struck by lightning
The man who falls fast. The man who texts all day. The man who says things like “I’ve never felt this way before” after knowing her for four hours.
Read
One of my clients came to me with something I hear from so many women: she just wants to feel held
But every man in her life, including the men she dated, did the same thing. The moment she shared a feeling, they jumped straight into solutions. They couldn’t help themselves. It was like an automatic reflex.
Read
I’ve realised dating works a lot like walking through a supermarket
Everyone thinks they’re making conscious choices, but most of the time you’re just moving on autopilot. You go to the same aisles every time. You reach for the same foods without thinking. You ignore entire sections...
Read
For a long time I kept hearing women say, “She just needs your presence.”
I had no idea what that meant.
Read
One thing I see constantly in dating is how quickly unspoken expectations take over
Expectation is a form of control.
Read
No single man is ready for commitment at the start
Not the good ones, not the healthy ones, not even the ones who eventually become incredible husbands and fathers.
Read
One thing I see in women I coach, and in my own relationship, is that women constantly check if they’re still loved
It sounds like insecurity, but it’s biology.
Read
I get asked a lot, “Where do I find the kind of men you talk about?”
And most women ask it with this quiet frustration, like there must be a secret doorway somewhere, a hidden pocket of the world where emotionally intelligent, grounded, capable men gather in groups waiting to be...
Read
When you’re dating, you can learn a thousand things about a man in the first hour
His job. His hobbies. His travel stories. How he orders food. How he laughs.
Read
I hear women list thirty different things they want in a man
He needs to be emotionally intelligent, confident, generous, secure in himself, great with communication, spiritually aware, successful, self-regulated, attuned, funny, deep, grounded, ambitious, intentional, motivated…
Read
A man without purpose becomes dangerous to himself
In a slow, subtle collapse.
Read
One thing I’ve seen clearly in relationships is how polarity plays out between anxiety and avoidance
They match each other perfectly. The level of anxiety one person carries is the exact level of avoidance in the other.
Read
When a woman gets pregnant, everything in her life shifts
It’s immediate. Her energy drops. Her body takes over. Working becomes almost impossible, and once the baby arrives, that doesn’t suddenly improve.
Read
When you live in a first-world, modern, Western environment, it’s easy to forget how human beings actually survived for most of history
Outside of the West, in so many parts of the world still today, survival is real. It’s daily.
Read
When I watch typical Hollywood movies, it’s almost ridiculous how limited the options are for what a man is supposed to be
You get two extremes, and both are useless in real life.
Read
There’s an interesting irony in my work
As a man, I coach women to feel safer in their feminine.
Read
I was talking to a client this week about her plan to go dancing
She’s been to this event before. She likes the music, she likes the movement, she always feels good in her body afterward.
Read
There was a period in my life where I genuinely liked seeing myself as the white knight
The guy who rides in and saves the princess.
Read
I see a lot of spiritual couples who spend hours “processing” together
Long emotional conversations a couple of times a week. Breaking things down. Revisiting old pain. Trying to squeeze meaning out of every feeling that comes up. And on the surface it looks like depth. It looks connected....
Read
In all the years I’ve been doing relationship work, there’s one thing I see over and over
The woman feels unseen.
Read
There are moments in this work where I’m reminded why I do what I do
I recently launched a Masterclass and below was a testimonials I received from Natasha:
Read
I have led a ridiculous amount of Fight Club workshops over the years
We’ve seen men shake, cry, break open, break through, collapse, rise, and surprise themselves. We’ve watched men face their fears in front of other men. We’ve watched them get pushed, held accountable, and called...
Read
When people talk about time-travel, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something small
But barely anyone in the present really thinks they can radically change the future by doing something small, now.
Read
The famous list
Six foot tall. Six figure salary. Six pack.
Read
There are wounds men carry that almost no one sees
I know this because I’ve carried them myself.
Read
Women leave a relationship slowly, quietly, long before their body walks out the door
And if a man isn’t paying attention, he won’t see it until it’s too late.
Read
The way you see men creates the men you see
In 1963, psychology students were handed rats and asked to run them through a maze. Half were told their rats were bred for intelligence. The other half were told theirs were slow. The "bright" rats outperformed the...
Read
More than half the year is gone
Most men I know haven't changed a single thing since January. Same phone habits. Same sleep. Same excuses dressed up as plans. If you're reading this and feeling something, that's the part of you that still knows better.
Read
There's a version of you that laughs loudly, takes up space, has opinions, wants a lot from life, and needs a partner who loves you for it
But you've probably spent time shrinking her.
Read
There's a woman I worked with who hadn't started the business she wanted to start for three years
She was waiting for her husband to get more stable first. More consistent. More present. Then she'd feel safe enough to take the risk. That was the logic. It was airtight. It was also destroying them both.
Read
You want your man to feel loved?
Find a YouTube video about something he's obsessed with, like his football team, or a videogame like Halo, or Warhammer 40k, that probably means nothing to you. Watch it. Learn something. Then ask him questions about it.
Read
Women have been patient with men for a long time
The patience has been extraordinary. They've covered for men who weren't leading. They've kept households running while waiting for their man to find his footing. They've softened their needs, managed their...
Read
Men need space
Fact.
Read
I am both the strongest and the weakest man I have ever known
Men carry this split quietly.
Read
There's a version of love that exhausts you
You give more. You soften more. You become more useful, more agreeable, more available. You track his moods and adjust accordingly. You shrink the parts of yourself that feel like too much and amplify the parts you...
Read
I didn't know my mother long enough
She died when I was young. And for years, the way I dealt with that was to not deal with it. Keep moving. Stay busy. Build things. Box. Travel. Fill the space with enough forward momentum that the grief couldn't find...
Read
A woman I worked with told me her husband never listened
She said it with certainty. So I asked her to describe what it looked like when he didn't listen. She talked for a while. And somewhere in the middle of it I noticed she was describing a man who went quiet when she...
Read
Most people were not taught that their nervous system can lie to them
The brain finds the fastest route to an explanation, and if you grew up in a house where love came with conditions, with unpredictability, with silence used as punishment, your nervous system filed all of that. It built...
Read
Nobody tells you that complaints aren't really complaints at all
They're requests that you never learned to ask.
Read
Every complaint about your partner is changing your relationship
Your brain is taking notes.
Read
There's a woman I worked with who could find fault in anything her husband did
The way he loaded the dishwasher. The way he spoke to her parents. The way he breathed, probably. She came to me convinced the problem was him.
Read
Anyone can say "I love you."
But can you say "I was thinking about our argument last night and I'm really sorry I raised my voice at you."
Read
Most women I've worked with didn't leave bad men
They left men who were good in ways that didn't make the highlight reel. Patient fathers. Steady earners. Men who never raised a hand or a voice. Men who tried, in the limited language they had.
Read
There's a line I read in a Japanese book thatI still remember to this day:
"To argue and win is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against."
Read
Most women are optimising for the wrong signal
Attention.
Read
Self-awareness is the most mislabelled thing in personal development right now
Women come to me having done years of therapy, courses, coaching, journalling. They can recite their wounds like a grocery list. They know their attachment style, their nervous system patterns, their father wound....
Read
If you're an anxious person, I want to say something that might annoy you at first
It's just fear.
Read
All men will annoy you
This is not a warning.
Read
Most men who are loudest in a room are often also the most scared in that room
There is a study I came across that tracked voice chats in 163 games of Halo 3. Researchers played identical prerecorded messages in male and female voices and watched what happened. Lower-skilled male players were...
Read
Most women are attracted to a man with his life together
Stable, certain, capable. A man who handles things.
Read
One of my clients found him
The man she actually wanted. Aligned, healthy, kind, present, attractive, purposeful. The whole bakery.
Read
My dad and I have done real work together
I've coached him through limiting beliefs, old fears, a stuck sense of who he was. What came out the other side was a rekindled relationship with his brothers and sisters, a sense of purpose in ordinary days, the...
Read