I know what I was like when I wasn't ready
I could perform all the right signals. Say the right things. Show up consistently for weeks, maybe months. But underneath it, I was running algorithms. How to keep her interested without actually committing. How to make her feel chosen without actually choosing her.
I wasn't a bad man. I just wasn't ready. And I was good enough at mimicking readiness that women believed me.
Now I coach men. I ask them to tell me exactly what they're doing and saying to the woman they're seeing.
Most of the time, I disapprove.
Because they're not ready and they're pretending they are. They like her. They're attracted. They enjoy her company. But they're hedging. Keeping one foot out. And they've convinced themselves that's normal early dating behaviour.
It's not.
It's cowardice dressed up as caution.
When I met my wife, I was ready. The difference wasn't her. The difference was me. I had done the work to become the kind of man who could hold a relationship without sabotaging it. Who didn't need an exit plan. Who could say "I want this" without feeling like I was losing something.
Women ask me how to tell the difference. Between the man who isn't ready and the man who is pretending he's ready.
It's in the details. Does he introduce you to his friends without you asking. Does he make plans further than two weeks out. Does he talk about his life in a way that includes you. Does his behaviour match his words.
A man who is ready is relieved he found you.
