People misunderstand anger
Used badly, it's a free pass to make the other person feel terrible because they hurt you.
Used well, it's the willpower to make yourself feel heard while you're still hurting.
Most people skip straight to the first one.
Here's what I want you to consider. What if it's your responsibility to have yourself feel heard by the other person? Yeah, big ask aye?
Anger can actually serve that. It can be the fuel that gets you to say the thing instead of swallowing it. But only if you point it in the right direction.
And the direction is: make them ready to hear you.
If you could say something to the person who hurt you, and they could receive it fully, and you could walk away feeling completely seen and understood, would you want that? I really hope you'd say yes.
It's simpler than most people think. Before you say the thing that upset you, set a container. Something like: "Hey, could you please listen to me for 5 minutes? I'd love to share something with you that upset me. It would mean a lot to me if you can do that."
That's it. You're not asking for agreement. You're not asking them to say you're right. You're asking for their attention and their willingness. Most people, when asked that plainly, will give it to you.
The way you communicate determines the quality of your relationship.
And that determines the quality of your life.
