Both of them were givers
Deeply in love, genuinely committed, and neither one felt loved by the other.
I gave them one task.
Write 5 things, in detail, that describe how you feel most loved. Not vague requests. Not "think about me more." Specific enough to act on. Something like: "When I get home from work at 6pm, there is a warm chamomile tea ready next to my comfy chair where I can unwind for 5 minutes before we start a conversation."
She finished her list in 10 minutes. It took him 4 days.
That gap alone tells you most men have never been asked that question by anyone, including themselves. They've spent their whole lives learning how to give. They don't know what they need to receive.
They passed the lists to each other. What they saw was that their ways of loving had been almost completely mismatched the entire time. Out of assumption. Each had been giving what they would have wanted, not what the other one actually needed.
The next week they came to the call crying.
They didn't just feel more loved. They said it was the most loved they had felt in their *entire* lives. After years together. From a homework exercise.
Most people are waiting to feel loved.
Very few have told anyone exactly what that looks like.
Try it.
