I had a vasectomy
My wife and I don't plan on our second child for at least another 5 years. For that stretch of time, I wanted contraception to be my responsibility instead of hers.
For decades the default has been to put it on women. The pill, the implant, the hormonal IUD. Most of these work by overriding a woman's natural hormonal cycle, and the side effects can show up everywhere: her mood, her libido, her energy, her body.
I didn't want my wife carrying that for 5 years so I could avoid a small surgery.
The surgery took 30 minutes and it was awful. I was lying on the table squirming, in pain and discomfort, counting the minutes.
Then I thought about my wife giving birth to our daughter, and I knew instantly that this was nothing compared to what she went through. That thought gave me some relief. It also brought a wave of shame about how much I was struggling.
A week later I was lying in bed one evening when my abdomen started contracting on its own. Apparently it’s a trauma response. The cramps came every 60 seconds and were strong and painful enough that I couldn't get up to get painkillers.
Lying there, I realised this must be close to what a period feels like. Except women get it for days at a time, every month, for most of their lives, and still go to work and look after everyone around them.
I had a lot of respect for women before this. I have far more now.
If men were the ones who had to get pregnant and give birth, either the human race would die out very quickly, or someone would invent a machine to do it for us by tomorrow.
Men, maybe it's our turn.
