There's a version of you that laughs loudly, takes up space, has opinions, wants a lot from life, and needs a partner who loves you for it
But you've probably spent time shrinking her.
Because the man, sometimes the father, in front of you went quiet when she showed up. Got distant. Made you feel like you were a lot. And you, because you wanted it to work, filed her down a little. Just enough. Just to keep the peace.
That filing down is the damage. The quiet decision to take up less space than you actually need.
A man who is grounded, who knows what he wants, who has done enough of his own work to not be threatened by yours, doesn't experience you as too much. He experiences you as interesting. As alive. As someone worth staying present with.
He exists. I know because my wife didn't shrink herself to be with me. She wouldn't. And that's part of why I wanted to build a life with her. A woman who knows what she is, who doesn't apologise for it, who can also receive without deflecting.
The problem you've been auditioning for men who were never going to cast you right. You kept adjusting the performance instead of changing the theatre.
You will never be too much for someone who can't get enough of you.
That's a filter.
Use it.
