I’ve coached over 1,000 men
One sentence comes up in my sessions more than almost any other:
“I wish she would be more grateful.”
Most men want to know that their efforts matter. They want to hear that the long hours, the fixed tap and the school run on a Tuesday morning made a difference to her.
What they want even more is to be received when they share something vulnerable, the moments where they failed in their effort.
For most men, vulnerability has always meant weakness, and weakness has always been judged. By other boys at school, by fathers, sometimes by past partners. So when a man shares something tender, he’s taking a risk he has learned to avoid.
How she responds in that moment decides a lot. If he feels safe, he moves closer to her. If he feels judged, he pulls away a little more, and he won’t try again for a long time.
My wife does this for me. When I tell her about a fear or a doubt, she listens, and she still looks at me the same way afterwards. That makes me want to tell her more.
Make it safe for him to tell you.
