Most of the women I work with can tell me in exact detail who their partner is
His triggers. His patterns. The specific tone that means he's about to shut down. What he needs when he's stressed. How to read the silence.
Then I ask them to describe themselves and they go blank.
Because they've spent so long studying him that they forgot they were also worth knowing.
It happens in stages. First you get good at reading him. Then you get good at adjusting to him. Then adjustment becomes your baseline and you can't remember what you were like before you learned to be so fucking accommodating.
The identity you're looking for isn't waiting for you somewhere else.
It's under the performance. Under the caretaking. Under the version of you that's been running interference between who you are and who you think he needs.
He doesn't need that version. He needs the one who still knows what she wants.
Because she, she is the light of the room.
