One of the fastest ways to destroy your relationship is to make everything about your partner
Every time something feels off, you go straight to them. They did this. They said that. They need to change. The discomfort lands in you, but you treat it as information about them.
It feels logical. If they hadn't done the thing, you wouldn't feel the way you feel. So the problem is the thing they did.
You can also ask yourself a question.
“Why does this make me so uncomfortable?”
She’s on her phone at dinner and you feel ignored. Is it about the phone, or is it the feeling of not being chosen, the same one you had as a kid?
He goes quiet after work and you feel shut out. Is it about his silence, or about how silence felt in your house growing up?
Your partner isn’t creating that feeling. They’re touching something that was already there.
Focus on them, and you’ll fight about it for years.
Focus on you, and it can be gone in a week.
