Men are problem fixers. It’s how we’re wired.

Men are problem fixers. It’s how we’re wired.

When a woman we love comes to us with something heavy on her heart, our instinct is to solve it.

To make the pain go away. To put a plan in place. It’s not that we don’t care about her feelings, it’s that our way of showing we care is to fix what’s hurting her.

That’s why, if you go to your man and say, “I don’t know what to do about this,” and then let him fix it, he’ll light up.

He’ll give you his best solution, watch you take it on, and when you say, “Thank you, you are the best,” you’ve just given him one of the most nourishing experiences a man can have. You let him be your hero for a moment.

But here’s where it gets tricky.

I know that sometimes you don’t want a solution. You don’t want the problem fixed.

You just want to be seen, to be heard, to be understood.

And the worst thing in that moment is when a man interrupts your feelings with his “logical fix.” Because it makes you feel dismissed instead of held.

Here’s the bridge: tell him.

If what you need is to be listened to, let him know that the way to solve this problem is to sit with you and just hear you until you’re done. And when he does, look at him and let him say, “That must have been so difficult for you,” and have him initiate a hug.

Now he knows he’s still your man, still your safe place, still solving the problem, just in a different way.

We didn’t grow up with this imprint.

Most of us were never taught emotional language, never taught that listening itself could be a solution. We default to fixing because that’s what we know. But when you show us, patiently, how to love you in your way, we CAN learn. It just sometimes takes a few stumbles…

A good man wants to get it right.

He just needs you to hand him the map.