What he says vs. what he actually means
What he says vs. what he actually means
I wrote this because to many women internalize these phrases and make them about their worth, when in truth, they reveal his own limitations
He says: “You’re too much.”
He means: “I’m overwhelmed by your emotions and I haven’t learned how to handle mine yet, let alone hold space for yours.”
“You’re so sensitive.”
He means: “Your emotional awareness is confronting my numbness. I don’t know how to meet you there, so I minimize you to protect myself.”
“I just need space.”
He means: “I feel emotionally out of control and I’ve never learned how to self-regulate while staying in connection. So I disappear instead of learning how to stay.”
“Why are you making this such a big deal?”
He means: “I feel shame about what I did, but instead of owning it, I’m trying to make you question your reality so I don’t have to sit in that discomfort.”
“I never said that.”
He means: “I don’t remember saying it, and instead of being curious, I’d rather protect my image my ego relies on than repair trust.”
“You’re always so dramatic.”
He means: “Your expression threatens the controlled version of myself I’ve worked hard to maintain. I don’t know how to be with real emotion.”
“I’m not ready for anything serious.”
He means: “I want the benefits of connection without the responsibility of commitment. I don’t want to grow into the version of me this would require.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
He means: “You’re noticing something that makes me uncomfortable to face. If I dismiss you fast enough, I don’t have to look at it.”
“You should be happy. I’m here, aren’t I?”
He means: “I don’t understand that presence without emotional engagement isn’t enough. I was never taught that showing up means more than just being physically available.”
“I’m just being honest.”
He means: “I don’t want to be accountable for the impact of my words. I’m hiding cruelty behind clarity because it’s easier than being kind and responsible.”
If you’ve ever heard these phrases and felt like you were too much, too emotional, too needy, pause.
These words are not mirrors of your worth. They are often shields for his unprocessed pain. And his inability to hold you is not a reflection of your value.
It’s a reflection of where he still hasn’t learned to hold himself.