A good man is not always the right man

A good man is not always the right man.

That’s a difficult truth to hold… especially when you’ve finally found someone who is kind, respectful, honest, and emotionally available on the surface.

He doesn’t cheat. He listens. He cares. But still… something feels off. And often, women blame themselves for that. “Maybe I’m too demanding. Maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe I still need to do more inner child work.”

You’re not. You’re sensing the difference between goodness and readiness.

Yes I write on how as a woman you can meet a man, and inspire him to lead- but the man has to WANT to grow and show up, intrinsically.

A good man might love you. But the right man knows how to meet you. A good man means well. The right man moves with intention. A good man might respond when you speak. The right man initiates, creates, leads. Not always perfect, but he tries.

You can spot the difference in how deeply he understands relational responsibility.

Does he follow through without being reminded? Does he bring structure and direction without needing to be told what to do? When things feel off, does he step in with grounded care, or wait for you to bring it up first?

Because when a man is not fully in his own leadership, you end up leading the relationship. Especially if you are a woman who is doing the inner work.

That might look like always managing the connection. Being the one to plan, track, initiate. Feeling like you’re “inspiring” him instead of trusting him. And over time, that wears on you. It’s subtle at first, but eventually you start to feel like the one doing ALL the work.

That’s not what healthy partnership feels like. That’s not going to make you feel safe.

So what can a man do if he’s reading this and realizing he’s the “good guy” who keeps losing amazing women?

He has to ask himself:

Do I act, or do I wait?

He doesn’t need to become someone else. He needs to develop the courage to make decisions and initiate. He needs to build that muscle so a woman can start trusting him.

And for the woman reading this: don’t mistake a man’s kindness for his capacity.

You deserve someone whose care is matched by his clarity. Who doesn’t just say he wants you, but shows you in how he moves things forward.

You were made to love and open from trust.

And trust is build over time through intentional action.

That is what creates real safety.

And in safety you bloom.