Dating today can feel like emotional whiplash

Dating today can feel like emotional whiplash.

One day you’re deep in conversation, the next it’s silence. He said he felt a connection, you shared something vulnerable, and now… nothing.

It’s not always because he’s a liar, emotionally unavailable, or didn’t mean what he said. Sometimes it’s because modern dating encourages men to move fast, without ever slowing down long enough to feel what’s actually true.

Most men were never taught how to date with integrity. They were taught how to pursue, perform, impress. But not how to listen to their gut. Not how to be honest when they’re uncertain. Not how to pause when something real shows up.

And so what you often meet in dating is not a man who’s playing you… but a man who’s still figuring himself out. A man whose nervous system is used to dopamine and novelty, but doesn’t yet know how to settle into connection without feeling trapped or responsible.

This isn’t an excuse. It’s context.

And here’s what I often tell the women I work with:

Don’t lower your standards, but soften your lens. Not every mismatch is a betrayal. Sometimes it’s a sign he’s not ready for what you are. Which makes your job not to convince him, but to stay rooted in what you want, without becoming bitter when someone can’t meet you there.

The moment you start filtering men not by their potential, but by how they respond to the truth of your heart, dating becomes simpler. It’s discernment.

Ask clear questions. Show who you are. Notice how he moves when things get quiet or real or challenging. That tells you more than any spark or sweet talk ever could.

Dating isn’t a game. It’s a mirror.

Let it reflect what you’re learning to love in yourself, and what you’re no longer willing to wait for in someone else.